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After Birth: Your First Steps Toward the Bris
Mazel Tov on the birth of your baby boy!
Welcoming a son into the world comes with joy, emotion — and a bit of planning. If all is well with your newborn, his bris milah (circumcision) will take place on the eighth day of life, according to Jewish law.
For example:
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A baby born Sunday morning will have his bris on the following Sunday
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A baby born Sunday night after sundown is considered born on Monday according to halacha, so the bris would be the next Monday
With that timeline in mind, here are your first key steps:
1. Book the Mohel
This is your most important task — and the one to do first.
Many mohelim have full schedules, so while you’ll often be able to secure your preferred mohel, waiting too long could limit your options, especially if you want a specific time slot or location.
When you call, the mohel will ask:
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The exact time and day of birth
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Whether the birth was natural or cesarean
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If there were any medical complications
Choosing a mohel is an important decision that should be made thoughtfully. If you're still deciding, take time to learn what sets different mohelim apart — experience, precision, approach to healing, and more.
2. Reserve a Hall
Once you’ve arranged the mohel, the next step is to book a hall for the Bris and the celebratory meal.
3. Arrange the Catering
Now that you’ve booked the space, it’s time to think about food. Most caterers will still accommodate you if you wait a bit, but booking earlier gives you more options.
Most families opt for dairy meals, while others follow the tradition to serve meat. Whatever you decide, make sure you know:
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What type of menu is being offered
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Whether delivery/setup is included
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If there are any upgraded options available
4. Plan the Shalom Zachor
The Shalom Zachor takes place on Friday night following the birth — even if the bris will be delayed.
This is a lighter event held at home or in a nearby location. If your baby was born late in the week, you’ll need to get moving quickly to plan it.
You’ll need to gather:
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Drinks (beer, soda, water)
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Light snacks (chips, nuts, seeds, chickpeas)
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Cakes, cookies, candy
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Disposable tableware and cups
Some families add cholent, and others keep it simple. You can also enlist help from friends or community members — just make sure someone is on top of it, so nothing is forgotten.
There are also services and local gemachs that help with Shalom Zachor planning and setup for a small fee.
5. Make the Announcements
Once details are confirmed, you’ll want to post signs around your neighborhood/social media to announce the Shalom Zachor — and possibly the Bris as well.
Important Note: Halachically, inviting someone to a bris makes it an obligation for them to attend. That’s why you should word these as announcements, not formal invitations.
You can personalize the sign however you like, but keep the tone simple, include the date, time, and location, and consider listing the bris 15 minutes earlier than intended — people tend to arrive late. You can use various invitation-making websites such as Canva to create the announcement.
The Week Before the Bris: What You’ll Need to Prepare
Once your son is born and the bris is scheduled, there are several things to prepare during the week leading up to the big day. By now, you’ve hopefully arranged for a mohel, booked the hall or location, set up catering, and made plans for the Shalom Zachor. If you haven’t yet, it’s best to take care of those items as soon as possible.
Aliyahs Before the Bris
If the bris is scheduled for a weekday that includes Torah reading (like Monday or Thursday), the baby’s father should receive an aliyah at that morning’s service. It’s also traditional for him to get an aliyah on the Shabbos before the bris. In both cases, the gabbai typically makes a special blessing for the mother and baby during the service.
The Baby’s Checkup
At some point during the week, the mohel will come to check the baby’s health and readiness for the bris. Timing varies — some mohelim visit just a few days after birth, others wait until the day before. During the checkup, the mohel will look for common newborn issues like jaundice or eye infections, which may affect whether the bris can proceed on time.
What to Bring on the Day of the Bris
Your mohel will give you a list of items to bring to the bris. The list may vary slightly, but usually includes:
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4 diapers
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Baby wipes
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A special pillow for the bris
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A bottle of red wine
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Kiddush cup
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3 prayer shawls (talleisim)
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Tefillin
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Infant Tylenol
You’ll also need a special outfit for the baby. Many families borrow the bris pillow and outfit from a local gemach. Some mohelim prefer to give the pain relief before the bris, others afterward.
Bris Honors (Kibbudim)
Your mohel will likely provide a list of roles or honors to assign during the bris. These often include:
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Bringing the baby in
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Holding the baby during the ceremony (Sandak)
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Reciting the blessings
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Announcing the baby’s name
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Holding the baby for various parts of the ceremony
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Sitting in the chair designated for the prophet Eliyahu (Elijah)
One traditional honor, known as “kvatter,” is often given to a married couple. Many families give this to a couple hoping to have children, as a meaningful gesture.
If this is your first son, it’s common to give the Sandak honor to the baby’s grandfather (the father’s father). If he’s not present, or if this is a later child, the honor may go to the baby’s maternal grandfather — even if a rabbi or mentor is attending.
Feeding Before the Bris
The mohel will let you know when to stop feeding the baby before the bris. Typically, this is around an hour and a half before the start time, to make sure the baby is settled and not mid-feeding during the ceremony.
Choosing the Baby’s Name
Plan the baby’s name in advance — waiting until the last minute can lead to confusion or stress. If you and your spouse haven’t finalized the name yet, try to make that decision a few days before the bris. Still deciding on a name for your son’s bris? Explore our list of Popular Hebrew Names for Boys for inspiration.
Speaking at the Bris
While it’s not required, many fathers choose to say a few words at the bris. Some share a short thought related to the bris or parenthood. Others may express gratitude or share a personal reflection. You don’t need to give a formal speech — even a few simple, heartfelt words can be meaningful.
Nighttime Tradition: Krias Shema
The night before the bris, it’s traditional in some communities to have children come say Krias Shema near the baby. If you plan to do this, it’s best to arrange it in advance — gather a few children, buy some treats or small gifts for them, and be ready ahead of time. You don’t want to be making phone calls or running to the store late at night when you’re already exhausted.
The Night Before the Bris: Final Preparations
The night before the bris is a time for quiet reflection, tradition, and getting organized. Many families follow the custom of holding a Krias Shema gathering or Vacht Nacht, and it’s also the perfect time to double-check your checklist and avoid any last-minute surprises in the morning.
Krias Shema and Children’s Gathering
There are a few different customs surrounding what to do the night before the bris. Some fathers choose to spend time learning Torah — anything from a short session to learning through the night. Others keep it simple and focus on preparing the home and getting rest.
But one tradition is nearly universal: inviting children to say Krias Shema near the baby.
Here’s how it’s usually done:
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The children recite the first paragraph of Shema (from “Shema Yisrael” through “VeHaya”) aloud next to the baby
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Then they say “HaMalach Hagoel”
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Many also say the verse “Hinei Lo Yanum” three times
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Afterward, each child is given a treat or “pekaleh” and sent home
You’ll want to arrange this in advance — get some children lined up (friends, neighbors, nieces and nephews), and prepare small bags of snacks or sweets. Trying to pull this together late at night is never ideal.
Bris Supplies: Final Check
By now, your mohel should have provided a list of items to bring to the bris — everything from diapers to wine to the special bris pillow. Take time the night before to lay it all out and confirm that nothing is missing.
Even if it seems like you have it all, a quick check can save you a lot of stress in the morning. Don't assume someone else has the wipes or the Tylenol — confirm and pack it.
The Day of the Bris: What to Expect
The long-awaited day has finally arrived — your son's bris. With so much happening, it helps to have a clear sense of what to expect and how to prepare. Here's a step-by-step breakdown of how to navigate the day calmly and meaningfully.
Going to the Mikvah
It’s customary for the father of the baby to go to the mikvah on the morning of the bris. The Sandak (the person who will hold the baby during the bris) is also expected to immerse, so if that will be your father or father-in-law, make sure they know in advance.
Davening and Tachanun
If you're attending a weekday Shacharis minyan, let the gabbai or chazzan know that there will be a bris today so that Tachanun is omitted.
If there is Krias HaTorah that day (Monday, Thursday, or Rosh Chodesh), the father should receive an Aliyah, and the gabbai should recite a Mi Sheberach.
If you’re unfamiliar with the commandment itself, start with our What Is a Bris? page for a clear explanation of its meaning and significance.
Feeding and Final Packing
Your mohel likely advised you to stop feeding the baby about 1.5 hours before the bris. Be sure to plan feeding around that window so your baby is comfortable.
Also, double-check that you’ve packed everything the mohel asked for — diapers, wine, bris pillow, and so on. It's best to have everything gathered the night before.
When You Arrive at the Bris
When you get to the venue, the caterer will hopefully already be set up. Take a moment to greet family and friends and enjoy the simcha. Bring all items the mohel requested to the men’s section and place them on the designated table near the Chair of Elijah.
When the mohel arrives, the father should put on his tallis and tefillin. This is a widespread custom and sets the tone for a meaningful ceremony.
The Ceremony
Here's the general flow of the bris ceremony:
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Kvatter: The baby’s mother hands the baby to a woman (Kvatteren/et), who passes him to her husband (Kvatter). In some communities, the Kvatter brings the baby directly to the father.
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Chair of Eliyahu (Elijah): The mohel calls out this honor. The person assigned to this role wears a tallis, takes the baby, and places him gently on the chair, where the mohel recites traditional verses.
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From the Chair: Another person lifts the baby from the chair and hands him to the father.
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Sandak: The Sandak, wearing a tallis, sits down and holds the baby for the bris itself.
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The Procedure: The mohel will ask you to formally appoint him by saying, “I appoint you as my agent to circumcise my son.” He then recites the blessing and performs the circumcision. You respond with the blessing “Lehachniso bivriso shel Avraham Avinu.” (Some communities also recite Shehechiyanu.)
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Post-Procedure: The mohel completes the process, including bandaging. He then calls up the remaining honors, including:
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Lifting the baby from the Sandak
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Blessings over wine and the bris
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Reciting the baby’s Hebrew name
At the naming moment, when the person reaches the words “Vayikarei shemo b’Yisrael,” you whisper the name to him, and he repeats it aloud and finishes the prayer.
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Afterward: A Mi Sheberach is said for the baby, followed by Aleinu and Kaddish.
After the Bris
The mohel may check or change the bandage either shortly after the ceremony or a bit later, depending on his usual method. He’ll also give care instructions — typically to the mother, grandmother, or whoever will be helping with the baby.
These instructions are important to follow closely for healing and comfort.
The Bris Seudah (Celebratory Meal)
Now it’s time to sit down and celebrate.
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The father usually shares a short Dvar Torah and words of thanks.
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Another speaker may be invited as well.
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Before bentching (grace after meals), it’s traditional to sing “Yom LaYabasha”, a classic bris song found in many bentchers.
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Additional HaRachamans specific to the bris are also recited, often divided among several people.
After the Bris
The time after the Bris can feel uncertain for many parents. You may wonder:
Is the baby in pain? What if the bandage falls off? What’s normal healing and what’s not?
Let’s break this down into two key phases:
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Before the bandage is removed
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After the bandage is removed
Before the Bandage Is Removed
It’s normal to see some discoloration on the glans — a purplish tone from the Mohel’s firm grip. You’ll likely see a clean glans with a bandage wrapped just beneath it. Sometimes there’s a thin white or yellow film — this is just natural discharge and isn’t a cause for concern.
There will almost always be some red staining on the diaper. This happens when the baby urinates and the dried blood in the bandage becomes damp. That’s not considered active bleeding.
Actual bleeding means fresh, deep red blood visibly soaking or dripping — this is rare, but if it happens, call your Mohel immediately.
The first urination after the Bris may sting the baby. This discomfort is normal and should pass quickly.
Your baby may be fussier than usual. If he seems truly uncomfortable, you can give infant Tylenol or a similar pain reliever every 5–6 hours, but only according to your Mohel’s instructions. If your baby is inconsolable, it may mean the bandage is too tight or has shifted — again, reach out to your Mohel.
Keep an eye out to confirm the baby urinates within two hours of the Bris. Check the diaper for wetness. No urination? Contact your Mohel.
Also, make sure the baby is feeding well and not becoming dehydrated. Wake him if needed.
Avoid touching the bandage or the area, and do not bathe the baby until the Mohel has removed the dressing.
Important Note: Some Mohelim choose not to leave a bandage at all. This is a matter of medical debate.
While it has it's benefits, it also removes an extra layer of protection and may increase exposure to friction or soiling, and can cause bleeding in the period after the circumcision. Parents should discuss this in advance and understand both the benefits and concerns.
Lastly, follow only the care instructions your Mohel provided. Don’t substitute advice from others. Each Mohel uses different methods and materials, and deviating from his instructions can interfere with proper healing.
For example:
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If your Mohel used a method that requires oiling the area, applying cream could cause sticking or irritation.
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If your Mohel wants the wound to stay dry, using oil might delay healing or cause renewed bleeding.
Even well-meaning friends and relatives can give incorrect advice. Trust your Mohel’s guidance.
After the Bandage Is Removed
Once the bandage is taken off, things should get easier.
You’ll see the exposed glans, a ring of fresh healing skin (the Or HaPriya) beneath it, and a slightly yellowish healing area closer to the body. That yellowish tissue is healthy and must not be scrubbed off — it’s a protective layer aiding recovery.
The area may look more irritated the day after the Bris, which is completely normal. Some red staining may still appear in the diaper — also normal.
At this stage, your baby should be noticeably more comfortable.
Your Mohel may now recommend:
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Bathing the baby daily in warm, soapy water
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Applying oil or ointment at each diaper change
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Positioning the penis downward before closing the diaper — this can help it heal in the right orientation
Some mild swelling may appear in the area and can last a few days or even longer. This, too, is usually not a concern.
When in doubt, contact your Mohel.
You should never feel uncomfortable reaching out — if you do, it’s a sign that next time you should choose a Mohel you feel confident speaking to.
Mazel Tov once again, and may your son grow to Torah, marriage, and good deeds!
Rabbi Shlomo Golish provides expert bris services throughout the tri-state area.
He regularly travels to families across New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut — including communities like Teaneck, Passaic, Long Island, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, and Manhattan. Home visits before or after the bris may be available based on your location and his availability. Discover more about Rabbi Golish's Bris services.